Never been LOVED!
It dawned on me recently that I’ve (yes I am admitting this) never been in love!
It seems that everyone around me is getting married, in a relationship or displaying some public affection .. what is it about love and relationship that has been taking over our lives lately from movies, songs, tv and more?!
As a young high schooler I’ve always acted in a mature manner (almost) .. I often questioned why young kids (from all over the globe) seek “love” relationship and start acting as a married couple at such a young age .. I believed that real love comes sometime in the future when we are much wiser .. (even today when I see young teenagers dating and acting like they are in a real marriage with all their jealousy and stuff … this makes me sad..they should be just normal teenagers in my opinion)
I carried this thought throughout college too .. I am in college to learn and have fun so what’s this relationship nonsense those college kids get themselves into .. I remember some of my friends and their nights of broken hearts .. WHY?! I didn’t get it .. it’s too early for such drama in our lives..
Few years past college days now ..and it just hit me that I never been in love nor in a relationship before .. I wasn’t even looking for one till recently .. recently and for the first time I realized that I’ve spent years shutting myself that it just became a comfort to me .. selfishness (I say this in a positive way) has taken over my life : I want to travel and explore and follow my plans in life and I am not sure how much could I compromise .. not having someone be part of my life became (unconsciously) my comfort zone..
But am only human and I want to have a companion in life .. I thought that I was waiting for the right person to come along .. that person that makes everything worth taking a risk .. I am not a person who follows a check list in life (graduate check, get a job check, find a wife check, have kids check) .. I am looking for a best friend .. someone who’ll accept my many flaws and awkwardness at times and I hers (which hopefully are much less than mine) .. but I am starting to realize that that person will not come along because deep down I am not allowing myself to be open and vulnerable and share an important part of my life with someone else..
with all this realization ..I still believe that I don’t have to desperately seek love or settle for the norm or even pretend.. I know that when she finally shows up I will be sure of it .. I just have to allow myself to be ready to fall in love! Until then I am enjoying and appreciating my life..